Jacquelin's Story

In the spring of 1998, my world came crashing down. I lost my home, my job, my car, my mind, and almost my life.

I was hospitalized for the first time in March of that year. Diagnosis: major depression with suicidal ideation. I was put on medication and assigned a psychiatrist and a therapist. After this first hospitalization I would fight with myself to stay out, but every eight months I'd be back in the hospital. The second time was a longer stay, and upon being discharged I was put on 13 medications.

I decided that my third hospitalization (when I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder) was going to be my last. Trying to function with the help of medications, a therapist, and sheer force of will, I was able to stay out after that.

For a long time, I could feel my illness inside my head: a dark little creature that I had built a wall around. It was waiting for me to let my guard down so it could escape and wreak havoc. It took a long time for me to banish this monster, but I am finally free.

The first step toward freedom was when I reluctantly agreed to participate in a program called "Stepping Stones Clubhouse," and I am forever glad I did! I came into the program a scared little rabbit; I couldn't look anyone in the face and had no confidence in myself. With great encouragement, I reluctantly tried doing tasks on the computer, and I was thanked and praised for my accomplishments. With time (three years), I began to see and eventually believe that I was intelligent and capable and that my work - as well as I - was valued.

A small candle of hope began to burn, and I started to think about going back to work. It soon turned into a bonfire of belief in myself.

I started work at the clubhouse as a part-time peer trainer, teaching computer skills. My confidence grew by leaps and bounds. Six years after being diagnosed with a mental illness, I am now working full time as a psychiatric rehabilitation caseworker, helping others understand their illnesses and work towards their own recovery. I am also a mentor and someone my fellow members want to emulate.

In addition, I am on the Governor's Advisory Committee on Personal Care Homes and the secretary of the Pennsylvania Clubhouse Coalition. I advocate for myself and others; and, for fun, I work part-time as a DJ. I am proof that it is possible to survive and regain a productive life.

The clubhouse has helped me find my voice, and I am active and involved, as well as more assertive. I am down to two medications: Lamictal, a mood stabilizer, and Concerta, for ADHD.

I have come through the fire a stronger, better person. I am on my way to achieving my level of greatness and helping others achieve theirs. With encouragement and support, everyone can.

Jacquelin